Monday, April 06, 2009
Today I"m just thinking over how incredibly dangerous it is to want someone who doesn't want me. How utterly foolish it is and making an effort to guard my heart, but at the same time knowing not to trust my heart either, it is deceitful and blows back and worth by the wind and can't be trusted. After crying for weeks for someone who doesn't want me and that is evidenced by their actions what is the point of desiring them? I think the most difficult part is that they are the kind of man I need, a godly man who could lead me, and I don't just want the kind of person he is, I care deeply for him individually , but I spent years of my life waiting and hoping and "trying" to get someone in the past to really love me and its insane because if someone loves you then you don't have to make it happen. They simply love you and pursue you and risk everything to have you. I woke up today with a peace about this and am seeking my One true love, my savior even more. The frustrating aspect to this is that I"m generally content being single, these last few weeks have just been hard.