Pudding

Ok, so with everything going on in our country these days I've been thinking a lot. Today specifically I came to the conclusion that there are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who like their pudding cups refrigerated and those who do not. Let me be very clear, I do NOT fall into the latter category. :) You may be wondering to yourself, "she must be eating pudding right now", and I have to tell you that you are, in fact, correct. I am sitting here eating my generic sugar free pudding, pondering how lovely it is and I was reminded rather abruptly that there are actually people out there who don't eat their pudding cold. How horrible! How could any clear thinking human being do such a thing?!? It's simply against nature and must not be tolerated. My mind goes back to a day my mom came over to visit and we were rummaging around my kitchen for "snackies" and I had said rather proudly, "I have pudding!". Her face lit up and we both relished in the moment before we were to partake in our glorious snack. Unbeknownst to me this great satisfaction would be severely cut short when I reached into the fridge, face beaming, and my mother looked at me quizzically and asked, "don't you have any that isn't cold?" Her judgemental question cut me to the core as I realized that my mother was "one of those people", you know, "them". Those we don't speak of who eat their warm pudding and like it. Well, I tried to reason with her, but she simply wouldn't have it. We sat in silence in my livingroom as a cloud hung over our snacktime. Panic quickly set in as I wondered, "are we related? Am I even her child?" How can this be????????!!!???? had everything in my life been a lie??!!?? We no longer had anything in common and I could see that soon we'd be mere aquaintances of each other and eventually distant memories. My mother and I reconciled, but I may never fully recover. PLEASE! Please, if you love pudding, for goodness sake, put it in the fridge. And if you are a hater of pudding then I beseech you to turn from your foolish ways, but I fear that you are already too far gone. :)

Today I"m just thinking over how incredibly dangerous it is to want someone who doesn't want me. How utterly foolish it is and making an effort to guard my heart, but at the same time knowing not to trust my heart either, it is deceitful and blows back and worth by the wind and can't be trusted. After crying for weeks for someone who doesn't want me and that is evidenced by their actions what is the point of desiring them? I think the most difficult part is that they are the kind of man I need, a godly man who could lead me, and I don't just want the kind of person he is, I care deeply for him individually , but I spent years of my life waiting and hoping and "trying" to get someone in the past to really love me and its insane because if someone loves you then you don't have to make it happen. They simply love you and pursue you and risk everything to have you. I woke up today with a peace about this and am seeking my One true love, my savior even more. The frustrating aspect to this is that I"m generally content being single, these last few weeks have just been hard.